Practice ended at 1:20 a.m.
I was sitting on the empty practice room floor, retying the loosened laces of my sneakers. Felix, whom I’d thought had gone back to the dorm first, peered out from beyond the door.
“Wooju, you’re still here?”
“Yeah. I was just going to rest a bit before leaving.”
Felix looked up at the practice room ceiling as if he wanted to say something.
“Hyunjin-hyung is on the rooftop.”
“Hyunjin is?”
“He’s been alone up there for a while. I think you should go check on him.”
Felix waved and said he’d head down first. I hesitated for a moment, then headed for the rooftop.
When I opened the door, a cold wind brushed my face. Hyunjin was standing in front of the railing, looking down at the dark streets below.
“Hyunjin.”
Hearing my voice, Hyunjin slowly turned around.
“You came.”
“Felix said you were here.”
“Yongbok said that?”
“Yeah. Is something wrong?”
“No.”
“You don’t look like someone with nothing going on.”
Hyunjin turned his head away again.
“Wooju, just go inside.”
“You want me to go inside?”
“No. I was going to go inside.”
He said that, but Hyunjin didn’t move toward the rooftop door. Looking at his back, I said cautiously, “Then go on ahead. I’ll go down soon too.”
“Then go first. I’ll head down soon too.”
Hyunjin’s face hardened.
“You’re really telling me to go?”
“Didn’t you say you were going inside?”
“I thought you’d stop me.”
“What?”
Hyunjin rubbed a hand through his hair, looking frustrated.
“You always just listen to Yongbok.”
“Why are you suddenly bringing up Felix?”
“Even today, you came up here because Yongbok told you to. Not because you were worried about me.”
“Is that such a big deal?”
“It is to me.”
Hyunjin said it, having completely dropped the polite speech he usually used with me.
“Wooju, I kept waiting.”
“For what?”
“For you to come find me first.”
The wind blew harder, making the hem of Hyunjin’s shirt flutter.
“Even when practice was hard, even when evaluations went to hell, you always took care of Yongbok first.”
“That’s because Felix shows it too much.”
“If I don’t show it, do I look like I’m not hurting?”
Just then, the rooftop door opened. Felix was standing there holding two warm drinks.
“You two are still here.”
Hyunjin’s expression turned cold in an instant.
“You said you were leaving first.”
“I was worried about you coming down alone, so I waited.”
“How thoughtful.”
His words were soft, but his voice wasn’t.
Felix looked back and forth between me and Hyunjin.
“Did something happen?”
“Nothing—”
“Could you step outside for a minute?”
Felix flinched at Hyunjin’s words.
“I’m the one who has to go out?”
“Yeah. Please.”
Felix looked at me for a moment, then set the drinks down beside the rooftop door.
“Okay. Wooju, call me when you’re done.”
When the door closed, Hyunjin stood in front of me.
“Now answer me.”
“Answer what?”
“Between me and Yongbok, who do you like more?”
“Why are you asking that now?”
“Because I don’t think I’ll get another chance if I don’t ask now.”
I couldn’t bring myself to speak easily. Hyunjin seemed to take my silence as an answer and lowered his head.
“Fine. I’ll go first.”
He passed by me. Before I knew it, I was grabbing Hyunjin’s wrist.
“Don’t go.”
Hyunjin stopped.
“Wooju.”
“I still don’t know.”
“Don’t know what?”
“Who I like more. Or whether I just don’t want to lose either of you.”
Hyunjin looked down at my hand for a long moment.
“Then I’ll wait until you figure it out.”
“For how long?”
“Until you come find me first.”
Then, from beyond the closed rooftop door, I heard Felix’s voice.
“Wooju, are you okay?”
I looked toward the door, still unable to let go of Hyunjin’s wrist.
I couldn’t tell who should come in and who should go out.
Only that after that day, it felt like the three of us would never be able to laugh like we used to again.
